Ann: Richard, I seem to be in hiding.
Richard: Yes, love, and very understandable it is, what with all that is going on in your country, seemingly out of control with no end in sight, no true leader to carry an honorable flag. And you think those of us on this side, myself in particular, will have only platitudes to offer, so why bother.
Ann: Kind of. I know it’s not right, but I just want to crawl into a hole, the cruelty that abounds is staggering. And yet I know its opposite is there too, and everyone says that all will be well and justice will be served etc. etc., but sometimes I just can’t believe it.
Richard: Sometimes, love, we have to scream and yell, to protest and weep, to despair, to feel the horror deep down in our souls.
Ann: And the complicity. The complicity. I do nothing to right the wrongs, feel almost no effect from the systemic racism which has propped up my comfortable life. Don’t see me rushing out to give my worldly goods to the poor.
Richard: Not yet.
Ann: Don’t see it, Richard. I am a security freak, not quite a hoarder but planning for the worst, having a plan, enough on hand to handle whatever comes. When it comes to care for my SO, I know I may have to relinquish control, but I have put in place as much in the way of financial support to provide for us that eventuality. Suffice it to say that I am not giving all my worldly goods to the poor – or at least not many of them.
Richard: And you think this is a sin?
Ann: I don’t know, it may be, I don’t know, but I do think it’s a responsibility to take care of myself and my SO.
Richard: You are going to have to give yourself a break, love, and leave off this self-indulgent self-flagellation. It is just a diversion. You are churning anxieties and unknowable outcomes to provide yourself with a distraction. When you are standing in the light, you do not feel these strictures. Instead, you feel energy, connection, and hear messages from those who can offer their wisdom on this blog. When you fall into these holes, go for sleep, outward action, inward gold, but not, not (are you getting this?) dumpster diving. Wallowing does not look good on you.
May 31, 2020