I was confused by Mother Teresa’s post and asked for clarification which she kindly gave to me, to us, in the post below. She was talking about becoming attached to a mission rather than to its priorities. Then, almost at the end of transcribing her words, the entire text disappeared and, of course I had not saved it. I started to panic, then realized that my reaction was exactly what she was talking about. I was able (finally) to retrieve it, but I believe she was showing me how easily the ego can grab the mission. Clearly I have a long way to go.
"When love is lost as the primary motivation for any action, all is lost."
Ann: Mother Teresa, would it be ok for me to ask you some questions about what you said in your blog post?
Mother Teresa: Yes, of course, we are in this together.
Ann: You were the embodiment of love. I’ve seen those pictures of you with babies and older people who are poor and dying. Of course your ego was involved in building something like your charity missions. Isn’t that OK?
MT: Yes, in many ways the ego is the engine that propels our good works, but it cannot be the prevailing force. I focused so much on the “mission” that I forget the holy motivation that started it. Then it had to be bigger and better, it had to be a beacon to the world, it had, forgive me, to have my name in lights above the holiness so that I got credit, and I have to admit that somewhere in my human soul I was always aiming to be canonized.
Of course I was not aware of what was happening, and that is the point. It is true that I loved. I loved with a pure and devoted heart those whose lives had deserted them and whose God, that is, my God, I was convinced, had not. I wanted to bring them back together.
We in human form cannot conceive of the depth and power of the Creative Force. We have no equivalent in our limited consciousness, but we can receive it in our hearts. This is how it started but, as I said, the mission took on a life of its own that somehow was entrenched in the institution of the Catholic Church.
Don’t get me wrong, such institutions are necessary to help us formulate access to the Divine. Following those who have gone before, emulating their lives and work can show us our own spiritual paths. But such institutions, like the humans that comprise them, develop an ego life of their own where institutional or individual survival takes precedence over the original mission.
A: Is that happening here? I worry that this blog could become that. The purpose was to offer one example of spiritual access so that others might be encouraged to do the same and communities might form. But, I have to admit, I really like seeing all the posts in print with the pictures, hearing from these amazing spirits and from the readers who see what was hidden from me in the posts. Isn’t that the same?
MT: It could be but not yet. You must be on your guard to avoid the trap, and let go anything that no longer serves the original purpose. This blog is not a monument to you. It is a means of providing access to spiritual guides and in the process allowing those who come here to develop their own spiritual path as Spirit has asked them to do. When it no longer does that, you must move on without a backward glance.
A: I thought it might be nice to print up some of these posts but it may be that they are meant to be simply ephemeral offerings.
MT: All depends on the motivation. As humans we will always be beset and, to some extent guarded, by our egos. It’s not a problem unless they are allowed to drive the bus. You keep on until the role you are asked to play is done. Discernment is the key.
What I was trying to say before is that my discernment left me somewhere in the middle of a mission that had outgrown its roots and my role in it. It was becoming institutionalized, more preoccupied with saving itself than our brothers and sisters who came in need and who offered lessons and love to those who could receive.
When it became us and them, the mission lost its soul – as has the Catholic Church. I could not see that then. I knew I suffered, was cut off from my God, but I could not see the cause. I see it now. When love is lost as the primary motivation for any action, all is lost. This is what I am trying to say to you and your readers so that we all become more vigilant about the guiding forces in our lives and their evolutions. I thought I had something to offer. As it turns out, what I have to offer now is how I lost my way, a cautionary tale that neither I nor many others recognized when I was alive. Now in death I see clearly, and I hope that my words can help you do the same.
December 29, 2019