Richard On The Suicide Of An Angry Person
One of the questions I received was in regard to the suicide of an angry person and how we deal with anger when we crossover? And it's corollary, will those left behind ever understand the cause of that anger?
I asked Richard if he could shed some light on this question which he did but cautioned me that every situation is different and the response below may not be accurate for everyone. Blessings on all who have been touched by such a tragedy.
Ann: Richard, can you give us some insight on this?
Richard Burton: Yes, I can. I lived much of my life in anger at some person, project, circumstance, or trick of fate. Unlike many who suffer in silence, I gloried in bellowing my complaints to the heavens. But either way, rage at people and happenings can perhaps better be understood as rage at the universe.
Many of us come to this planet under duress. Maybe we agreed to come for one or more specific purposes, but then find when we arrive that the task we thought we had agreed to undertake had been grossly understated both in difficulty and soul cost. So we rage at whatever convenient target that comes to hand, frequently those who love us most.
If a child is lost to suicide which is at least partly fueled by rage at a parent or close friend, it is almost impossible for those left behind not to feel that they must shoulder at least some of the blame.
Dear ones, this is a heartbreaking misunderstanding of what has transpired. The circumstances that bring a person to suicide are as varied as people who decide to take this path, but, to the extent that anger is seen as a motivating factor, that anger is generated within and projected outward because it is intolerable when self-directed. Even when revenge is be a motive, it is always accompanied by some sort of internal despair.
While those around those of us so struggling may be able to help, the person whose decision triggers the act is the primary responsible party, and those left behind must do their best to look deeper than their natural tendency to take responsibility. Natural because, when we take responsibility for an act that was not within our control, we are trying to say to ourselves that we could have stopped it. Doing so is a sad and futile self-indulgence, for in general the control was with the person choosing the act and not those who still cling to the hope beyond hope that they could have stopped it. Self-flagellation perpetuates the illusion that the survivor had control when in general they did not.
So if you are a survivor of one of these Catch 22 situations, let me ask you, dear ones, ever so gently to release this loved one to their own path on the other side. It is not a path of misery. Suicides are not reviled here. They are tended. They are assisted in seeing what they were unable to bear and why. They work on building their understanding and stamina to see if it they may want to try life on the planet again. Always souls are striving for the light though it may not seem like it to the uninitiated.
Certainly I was one of those that refused to give credence to anything that tried to paper over what I thought was a brutal and inevitably hell-bound world. I see differently now, and now I am engaged in trying to offer some of that perspective to those still traveling blind. Please accept my heartfelt condolences on what I hope you will come to see as a temporary loss of a person whom you can now release to find her own way with the helpers that abound where she is now.
March 1, 2020
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